I know, I know. I haven’t existed for a while but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I made it clear that summer grad classes were kicking me in the ass. I’m basically writing because I’m way too many martinis deep. Martinis are disgusting, by the way. Anyways, I’m trying my best to type slowly.
So it’s nights like these that I regret coming to Pittsburgh. I feel bad because if I never would’ve come here in the first place I never would’ve met my friend Kameron (who went back home for the summer & has decided to head off to the Navy) and my boyfriend. I love and appreciate these two individuals.
However, I sometimes feel guilty. I feel guilty because most likely, if I remained in Chicago, I would’ve probably been amateur boxing by now. Boxing was something I loved. I would’ve had my friends and family. I would’ve been in the city that I loved. In other words, I would’ve been happier. I just doidnt see it back then.
I always wanted something new though. And honestly, after two and a half years of being single and seeing countless of guys, more than I can count on my two hands, I wanted someone who wasn’t an idiot. Seriously. I got tired of the countless of dates where in the first five minutes of talking to the dude I thought he was an idiot. My girly friends always thought I yearned for something more when in reality I just wanted a damn companion. I’m just not that “yearn for something more” type oif girl.
Now that I do have what I want in terms of something new and steady guy, a part of me is still not happy. That’s what makes it sad and makes me feel guilty. If I were to finish my business here in Pittsburgh this moment, I would leave for Chicago tomorrow.
I’m just not resilient enough and honestlyz, (since Kameron is now gone) one person isn’t enough to sustain me as a sane human being. I have been going through so much mentally that it negatively affected my relationship with my boyfriend. When I was back home in Chicago for the 4th of july weekend I realized that I had to suck it up and change my attitude because if I didn’t, it would make me even more miserable in Pittsburgh.
I don’t know. Too many martinis makes a person over analyze.