A Tale of Two Chicas

a karmatic event. June 10, 2011

I’m deserving of relationships that will:

– protect me – fight for me – love me as is – support me – adore me – admire me – respect me – appreciate me – accept me – hold me – learn from me – challenge me – entertain me –

Yes, those are a lot of me, me, me’s. I’m just in that me mode today. I have a tendency to give too much of myself too often. Perhaps that’s just the woman in me. I give:

Love – respect – appreciation – support – kindness – admiration – protection – guidance – value -challenge – motivation – credit

Forgiveness is hard sometimes, how far does one have to be pushed to a point of no return? How many times can opportunity be given to someone? At what point do we realize those things? My biggest problem (I’ve been told by many) is that I have this giant sized heart full of solid strong love and curiosity. Its a dangerous mix trust me. The ability to love, forgive and question isn’t an easy process to put yourself through, and I have several times this past year.

I once said: “I never want to put myself in a situation where I feel limited by my relationships and felt as if I owed them something.” Perhaps this karmatic event is a repercussion of not only my stupidity, but my inability to let go of what has never been.

 

Communication & Honesty. May 23, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 12:50 am
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The bare minimum, that’s all. Oh Chicago, I love how you have a tendency to up root my comfort. I get it. Its all there in plain sight, I’m just not seeing clearly. Right when I’m in that comfort zone, content, and happy BOOM. You always have a way to shake things up for me, you sly tricky city. I’m not meant to be in my comfort zone here, fair. These challenges constantly testing me will hopefully push me to another level. We’ll have to see. In the meantime I should get back to working on my reality checklist.

 

Patio Thinking May 22, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 7:46 pm
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Its lovely outside. So I sit on my back patio to think. My coworker said today that one person will always love the other person more in a relationship. Which reminded me of a phrase my aunt used to say quite often: “the person you’ll marry will love you more than you love them” she said.

I can’t help but to feel a bit sad about those phrases from time to time. I want to love and be loved equally; I’m always diplomatic at heart.

My coworker also said: “Its not always about marriage, stick to that person who can understand you entirely for who you are. If you can tolerate them at their worst and they can tolerate you at yours, then its worth keeping.” I suppose that’s true.

But again, I can’t help feeling like tolerance in one way or another some how translates to a form of competition. So, if I can tolerate you and accept you for who you are, who’s to say someone else isn’t or can’t? I don’t know- maybe I’m just being to analytical, it happens.

Just another Sunday evening of back patio thinking.

 

28 Minutes isn’t on Your Way. May 20, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 1:14 am
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I’ve been waiting for 28 minutes on a few friends to arrive. Its annoying as all hell when people text and say they are “almost there”. Totally pointless if don’t actually show up within a reasonable amount of time. Completely unnecessary. I don’t like waiting for people, its a complete waste of time. I have this really weird thing about time though. I feel that because it does pass quickly, I sure as hell don’t want to waste it.

I don’t want to be late for people either. I’ll definitely work on being more punctual too. Uggh.

 

You’re more grown up than I am May 7, 2011

Filed under: Pittsburgh Chica — Sonia @ 10:19 pm
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Dear Yessica,

My boo thang and I joke around a lot. In actuality, “boo thang” originated from a joke where I called him “ghetto boo thang.” I thought it was funny since he is so far away from ghetto. I should really start adding the “ghetto” in front of “boo thang” again. You know, switch it up a bit.

Lover sounds sexy and mature. Yesi, you’re so sexy and mature. I’m not mature by any means.

Sonia