A Tale of Two Chicas

Breakfast May 12, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 8:47 pm
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I want to make this for breakfast.

I’m a (somewhat) hopeless romantic. I’m sure this isn’t news to anyone for that matter. Its easy to assume that most women are hopeless romantics who want a deliciously laced, airy love, full of kisses and hugs. Anyways, my point is this – what do I want from a relationship? Well, to begin there are areas of my “ideal relationship” that are traditional and some which are not. I usually butt heads with girlfriends about this topic. The way I see it is this: as long as it works for me and the other person, then its all a go. We’re the only two people in the relationship so everything else is just ear static.

Traditional elements I like:

1. Phone Calls: Yeah, you may not talk a lot or like to talk on the phone, but nothing makes me happier than a simple hello. In all honesty phone calls more than any other form of communication will get my attention. Texts are fine but calls every now and then is awesome.

2. Notes: Call it immature, call it whatever you want. I like notes. I like written little scribbles that I can find in my bag later in my day. Notes, cards, simple musings keep me happy.

3. Dates: Dinner, catch a movie, watch the sunrise, have a beer, watch a game, go bowling– whatever. Dates are fun and great way to spend some time together outside of traditional comfort zones. I don’t expect to be wined and dined every time but a date here and there is nice.

4. Commitments: I don’t think this is something I take lightly, if you say you’re going to do something then do it. Follow through is very important. In terms of long term commitments, they’re great but I don’t think they’re for everybody-initially. (I’ll explain this a bit later.)

5. Communication:  Just talk to me, let me know what’s going on. I like to talk a lot. Yeah, sometimes shit happens. Whatever. Its a matter of how each of us deals with it and continue to learn from it. So speak up!

Nontraditional elements I like:

1. Frequency:  I may not see you everyday because my schedule sucks, or I’m overwhelmed with work, etc. I think that’s okay. I’ll see you once or twice a week, I think that’s healthy. Obviously as the relationship grows the frequency will change. Its important for me to take my time to get to know you, which is why frequency can vary.

2. Long Term Commitment: Outside of its institutionalized structure, I’m all for marriage. If I ever got into a life threating situation I would want my husband there. I would want the security of knowing should something happen to me, whatever I have is his.

3. Free to Roam: I’m all for you doing your thing and me doing mine. As long as there is a mutual understanding and support each others goals- we’re good.

4.  Boys Nights: Go out whenever the hell you want. I’m not picky, I don’t take it personal. Whateves, you need your own social life as well as I do.

5. Time Outs: Not really breaks but just that- a time out. Obviously within reason and within whatever ranges/variables are agreed upon between both parties. Time outs are effective in plenty of relationships. (Look at Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, or Oprah and Stedman for example.) As individuals I think time alone is necessary for ourselves sometimes.

The hopeless romantic in me does love the sense of immediacy to talk with someone. How do I describe it? That instant chemistry which clicks every time you spend time together. Picking up exactly where you left off. The urgency to want to share a story with them and interlace into each others lives. THAT  is where my hopeless romanticism kicks in.

That’s the only list I’m able to compile for right now. I think it’s pretty basic definitely not brain science. I think that the right combinations of these elements will create a good relationship. Who knows, we’ll see as time progresses and continue to grow. What are your thoughts on these elements? Are there parts which you absolutely cannot compromise on and if so, why?

 

cha-cha-cha-changes! May 5, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 5:47 am
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I could not be anymore excited for the end of this month to be here already. I’m making big changes for myself and cannot wait to get out of the westside of Chicago. June 1st, I’ll be back in the lovely downtown working in the Loop! (That’s where my heart is.)

As soon as I heard of the opportunity to move locations, I immediately took it. The reasons are simple:

1. I love the loop, its where I do all my business. Networking, events, volunteering.
2. It gets me closer to my other temp project/job, which I’m absolutely in love with and want to dedicate more time to.
3. Its an environmental change that I need to happen so I can continue to grow professionally.
I don’t understand how my decision to move is interpreted as “surprising” to others. C’mon people change is a good thing! 🙂 But seriously though, I developed a lot as a person working in the westside under the circumstances I encountered. I feel as though I can walk away knowing I did gain a level of maturity. I don’t think I was aware of that growth happening during my time there. Nevertheless, the mix of frustrations I experienced are important. I think of it as a series of mini challenges which constantly tested my ability to coexist during somewhat unfavorable times. I like to maintain a level of honesty with people, which I now realize most people cannot handle. I can truthfully say that my lack of filter is modified because of this. I’m thrilled, ecstatic, and could not be any happier for this change to happen. I know in my gut as well as my heart its the right thing to do. New opportunities are waiting for me, new people and most importantly new growth.

Peace out, its 5am.

 

working out May 1, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 4:21 pm
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Yup, curiosity and honesty are probably two of my weakest traits. Sometimes I don’t know how to not be honest with people I find it very difficult. I’ve learned how to readjust my filter from time to time which has definitely helped me but there is still that little bug of curiosity in me that I can’t quite flick off.

I’ve always been very curious about several things growing up. I think that’s where my itch to move NYC is constantly coming up in my mind.

 

judgements. April 28, 2011

I’ve never been able to understand the perspectives of peoples relationships. That’s one thing that has never, ever, ever made any sense to me. I suppose that at times its much easier to maintain unhealthy-comfortable-drama infused relationship than walk away. I think that there are times in this life and times in relationships that require a break, willing or unwilling whichever, time is often necessary. Self preservation, self respect and most importantly self love.

“I love myself enough to know that its time to walk away.”

“I love myself enough to know its time to take a break.”

“I love myself enough to wish peace upon others and wish happiness upon them.”

My sense of reality in relationships is so jaded at times. My sense of independence is also strong. I wouldn’t say that I fight relationships but I want to fight off the ones that I don’t feel are right for me.Perhaps, my curiosity begins with the idea of comfort and settling. I don’t understand the relationships of my friends who choose to stay in emotionally abusive places and limit themselves only to what they know. What’s the purpose in that? When I ask those challenging questions they are often offended and respond with simple:

“Well why should you worry, you’re not the one in this,” or
“I’ve been with him for X amount of years, so you don’t get it”.

Its not that I don’t get it. I do. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing someone’s potential and seeing how so scared they are of fulfilling it. Again, I just don’t get it. The idea of comfort can only get you so FAR. I’m too curious. I’m too open to new experiences. Maybe I’m too afraid to face things too in a way. I’ve been in my own share of unhealthy, mind twisting, soul changing relationships. And how do I feel? How did I feel at the end of it all?

Well, there isn’t really an end. Its a matter of learning how to manage it as it happens sometimes. But again- its a matter of self preservation. I love you dearly and immensely but give me a minute to hide away for a minute or two. Sometimes I think- that maybe – I’m the one full of immaturity. But a closer reassessment of various situations just proves everything I’m experiencing is new.

I don’t really know where my original idea was going with this. I just don’t get relationships structured around fear, comfort and insecurity. What’s the point?

 

it’s the little things April 27, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 10:38 pm
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What’s it going to take for me to maintain a healthy level of happiness this upcoming year? It’s something I’ve been thinking about quite often. I think its important for me to shift my prospective on work, love and health. Most importantly I should start thinking about where I see myself in the next year or two.

I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine last summer about moving to New York. He said it would be a great adventure and a fun thing to do. Although he agreed with my reasons about leaving Chicago he didn’t quite understand why I wouldn’t want to stay here. Thinking back to that night, I can recall explaining to him that I would stay in Chicago if one of two instances did occur:

1. I find an amazing job in a creative field where I can be productive, busy and happy. Chicago is a great city to be in, awesome lifestyles to pick from and several scenes to fall into. I would most definitely start a career here, I’m sure the opportunities are there. Maybe I’m not looking hard enough? or maybe I’m looking too hard. I don’t know for certain.

2. A relationship. Ahhh yes, I know- a relationship doesn’t sound like a good enough reason to stay behind in Chicago BUT to me it might actually be. I believe that relationships are a lot of work, time, love and understanding. If the right person came along, I’m willing to compromise on things and figure them out as they happen.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I just have this odd sensation that there is something out there in this world that is calling me. I’m not exact in which location or direction just yet, but I feel destined to something great. Now, I’m not saying I’m growing up to be the next 26 year old millionaire, Oprah, or some huge status symbol, I just feel like my path in this life will overall be good and very educational. Hmmm, I’m not sure if that totally makes sense.

 

honesty.

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 12:13 am
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I don’t have much to say tonight, but I hope the choices I’m making will be right.  I want to be a part of an amazing think tank, stormin’ up one idea after another.

I want change. I also want you to remember everything I once said. “Think  because anything we can imagine we can create.”

 

Oh Chicagoness. April 11, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 10:29 pm
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the move to NYC. I wonder often when it’s the right time to leave Chicago and haven’t been able to come up with a solid answer. I did however come up with a short reality check list to help me keep this whole NYC idea in perspective.

Rule #1. Don’t move to NYC if you cannot afford the lifestyle you want to have.

As much as a love the fast paced energy of New York City, I’ve come to realize that I do not want to put myself in a situation where I cannot maintain the lifestyle I want. For example, apartment space. Yes, yes, yes, I’ve heard horror stories on how small and ridiculously expensive apartments are in NY, but lets face it- its NEW YORK CITY. I’ve been to those tiny cramped multi roommate apartments and they are definitely not fun to be in for very long.

Above is a picture the limited space in some apartments that I’m referring to. YEAH, that does not look appealing and most importantly comfortable. I currently live in a two bedroom apartment with a living room, full bathroom (with a stand in shower and full bathtub) kitchen and patio. It’s a pretty neat place and has plenty of space, 2 blocks away from transportation and awesome. I really do love my apartment.

I’ll post up my other reality checklist rules over my next few posts.