A Tale of Two Chicas

a karmatic event. June 10, 2011

I’m deserving of relationships that will:

– protect me – fight for me – love me as is – support me – adore me – admire me – respect me – appreciate me – accept me – hold me – learn from me – challenge me – entertain me –

Yes, those are a lot of me, me, me’s. I’m just in that me mode today. I have a tendency to give too much of myself too often. Perhaps that’s just the woman in me. I give:

Love – respect – appreciation – support – kindness – admiration – protection – guidance – value -challenge – motivation – credit

Forgiveness is hard sometimes, how far does one have to be pushed to a point of no return? How many times can opportunity be given to someone? At what point do we realize those things? My biggest problem (I’ve been told by many) is that I have this giant sized heart full of solid strong love and curiosity. Its a dangerous mix trust me. The ability to love, forgive and question isn’t an easy process to put yourself through, and I have several times this past year.

I once said: “I never want to put myself in a situation where I feel limited by my relationships and felt as if I owed them something.” Perhaps this karmatic event is a repercussion of not only my stupidity, but my inability to let go of what has never been.

 

runnin’. June 8, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 3:08 pm
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I have two jobs both in the loop. I love running from job A to job B. Switching on and off between roles keeps me happy.

I think I’m even happier with my inability to really think. I’m just doing. Work – strategy – love – laughing.

Is this the lifestyle I wanted? I think so. As much as I strive off of consistency and structure, I’m happier just doing this. I like looking at the people on the street wondering where they are going. Each day here I realize how disconnected I’m becoming from this city. In the loop I get to experience the urban elements I love, only to realize that they can only exist between certain times and certain days of the week. Funny how that reflects a lot of my relationships.

 

Communication & Honesty. May 23, 2011

Filed under: Chicago Chica — Yessica @ 12:50 am
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The bare minimum, that’s all. Oh Chicago, I love how you have a tendency to up root my comfort. I get it. Its all there in plain sight, I’m just not seeing clearly. Right when I’m in that comfort zone, content, and happy BOOM. You always have a way to shake things up for me, you sly tricky city. I’m not meant to be in my comfort zone here, fair. These challenges constantly testing me will hopefully push me to another level. We’ll have to see. In the meantime I should get back to working on my reality checklist.