There IS some humanity left in Pittsburgh September 11, 2011

This afternoon I headed to the Round Corner Cantina because I had a taste for their bomb tortas. Being that today is the Bears home opener, I decided to rock my Bears tee. So I was chilling, eating my torta, watching the Ravens open a can on the Steelers and constantly checking my phone getting my Bears update. The owner of Round Corner walks up to me and says something.

“What was that?” I asked.

“We can put the Bears game on for you,” he said.

I wanted to cry. You kind, kind man. Being the sweet-fucking-heart that I am, I thanked him but declined the offer because I didn’t want to inconvenience the other customers. I probably should have made him change it though. I would’ve been doing everyone a favor because the Steelers are getting a good whooping right now. Anyways, moral of the story is that I officially love that man.

Just a regular Joe Schmoe May 12, 2011

All I do at work is fingerprinting for FBI clearances. So this guy comes strolling in for fingerprinting. I do my thing and he leaves. No big deal.

Everyone and their baby momma at my job starts coming up to me and ask me, “Was that Charlie Batch!?!”

Confused, I replied, “I don’t know.”

I checked the name and it was Charles Batch.

“Yeah, it is. Why? Who’s Charlie Batch?” I said.

“He plays for the Steelers!” screamed the receptionist.

“What!?! I just thought he was a regular Joe Schmoe!” I replied.

For all you Steelers fans, here’s the scoop on Joe Schmoe, I mean, Charlie Batch:

•He was the 22nd person I fingerprinted today.

•He’s hella’ tall in person.

•The woman he was with had a pretty face but she had the chunks. Made me feel slightly better about my body image.

•I think he knew that I genuinely didn’t know who he was. DA BEARS!

•I touched his hands. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, be jealous.

And there you have it, folks! That is my encounter with Charlie Batch. Now, run along, kids. Nothing to see here.